Jose Mourinho as Scaramanga (The Man With the Golden Gun)
Suave, vain, deluded… why, Jose is perfect to play the island-dwelling assassin with three nipples.



Frank Lampard as Nick Nack (The Man With the Golden Gun)
Who better to play Scaramanga’s short, fat henchman (as played by Mourinho) than Fat Frank, Jose’s former pet at the Bridge?



Cristiano Ronaldo as Dario (Licence to Kill)
Cocky, mirror-loving pyscho with a penchant for wearing vests under suit jackets. C-Ron, the part is yours.



Joleon Lescott as May Day (A View to a Kill)
Jo-Le’s odd, angular hair is enough to earn him selection. And he can’t possibly be a worse actor than Grace Jones.



Daniel Levy as Ernst Stavro Blofeld (several Bond films)
Ruthless-yet-bumbling megalomaniac born to play… yeah, you know.



Nemanja Vidic as Donald Grant (From Russia With Love)
Stone-faced hardman typecast as stone-faced hardman.



Rio Ferdinand as Rosie Carver (Live and Let Die)
He’d need to grow his Afro back to play this double-crossing CIA agent - Leeds Utd fans would tell you he already has the double-crossing part down.

That’s our list. Who would you like to see play a Bond villain?